Anger in Workplace
I don't know how to express my anger.
Yesterday I was happy that my company expressed genuine intention through salary negotiation, a wave of anger hit me after commented,
“Are you saying that you break our product to seek people’s attention? It’s not a team player.”
“You want to test with X because you don’t need to take the responsibility afterward.”
He said that when I tried to discuss a cool idea with him.
I was completely thrown off. In the beginning, I told him I would take his advice, but afterward, I kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I started to question myself if that was my intention, and I was very worried about which journey I was about to lead. I was pissed, including all the things that happened between us before. Even though he said sometimes we misunderstood others, I didn’t feel I could work without holding grudges around him given the incident.
The next day waking up, I realized how much dislike assuming people with malicious intentions. Because if we all see each other that way, how can we foster growth as a person? I don’t want to see myself as a person who wants to seek credit and avoid responsibilities, but when people see me that way, it already takes me a second to rethink myself. Words are manifestations, and I want to manifest positive growth.
Hence, I texted him on the weekend,
“Also, I might be misunderstanding again but I just want to let you know that some conversations yesterday definitely crossed some boundaries, such as seeking attention to show off work and wanting to ask X so I can avoid responsibility. I personally, value integrity a lot, and I don’t want to be in an environment where people will see each other that way. I rather do it in the way when I messed things up like yesterday, telling the entire team it’s not X’s problem but mine.”
In a professional environment, most people assume that we cannot be emotional, but I decided to try the other route. I practiced expressing my emotions even if it felt uncomfortable. Why? Similar to any other relationship, holding the feelings there only makes them accumulate, but expressing them allows the potential to untie the emotional knots.
He responded that there was a misunderstanding there, so we would talk when we meet next time. So I will wait.
Weirdo friends, you know what? Our offer is not finalized yet, and I’m risking my offer in doing so. But why do I do so? Regardless of whether I have a job or not, I’m extremely stubborn about how I want to grow as a person. I cannot let whoever, my boss, my friend, my family, sway me away from it.
