Career confidence

Ideas to build my career confidence

I almost got into a fight with my friends while discussing my new product ideas and my thought on Pitch yourself like an alpha male. One of my friends is a Taiwanese professional with several years of experience, who is practical and evaluates the success rates of actions. On the other hand, I am a new graduate in Silicon Valley, full of dreams where everything is experimental and possible.

The conflicts between the possibility mindset

The possibility mindset has been a point of contention in our conversations. When I presented my new product idea, my colleague kept bringing up reasons why it wasn’t practical. “It’s just an idea!” I screamed in my mind. “There’s a lot of process involved, and it’s not that easy.” She pointed out. I realized that both of us were fundamentally arrogant. I saw myself as the cool Minerva/Silicon Valley kid who knows how to think big and make everything possible. She felt that she had more experience and knew about the real challenges that I didn’t. I was frustrated that she, and another Taiwanese friend, were so quick to tell me why it wasn’t possible before I even tried. It felt like my dad when I told him I wanted to go to Minerva.

The conflict between the possibility mindset carries on to career confidence. I told her about Pitch yourself like an alpha male. I said I wanted to be more confident in my career progress because I have been selling myself low, and want to think that more things are possible. But she insisted that the ability to talk or a confident attitude isn’t that important when you go to the professional field. There is no fake it until you make it.

I didn’t feel she understand me. I felt she never interacted with Minervans or Silicon Valley people, so she couldn’t understand. Those “intelligent” people aren’t lying, they are just great at presenting their skills and intelligence in front of the crowd. They aren’t the fake businessmen that she might be imagining. They are still competent but present themselves in a passionate, intelligent, and competent light that people are impressed with them. It took me 4 years to identify their unrealized promises, and I’m pretty sure 90% of the crowd couldn’t see it through. Even if I’ve been living with my housemate and know he was just talking rather than committing, whenever I heard his confident speech, I still needed to remind myself not to be fooled. If all those alpha males already dominated the world, and society values their way of representation so much like what Lean In said. What should I do?

Should I learn how to sell myself to boost my career?

The conversation was frustrating for me, but I gained nuances and ideas from her perspective. She disagreed with my hypothesis that feeling less confident and presenting something as less possible would attract fewer resources and connections. She also shared her method of dealing with interviewees who express concern over their English language abilities. She emphasized that English is just a tool and that she focuses on listening to what they actually do, as it does not necessarily relate to their confidence.

I disagreed because humans inherit implicit bias, and she was already a person who cared extra about truthfulness. However, a new idea came to me. Career confidence should not prevent me from attracting resources. It is not just that there are still people who try to be truthful, but there are also many ways to attract resources. Alpha-male confidence should not be the only way. The feedback loop might be real, but it is just one way or the most conventional way to achieve success.

I understand that my learning-oriented personality, which enjoys seeking out new information that I don’t know, may make it difficult for me to develop alpha male confidence. My pragmatic mindset also tends to identify bottlenecks from Day 1. As a result, I am hesitant to make promises early on. However, I recognize the importance of leveraging these strengths and building confidence in them.

Long-term mindset — Show my strengths in an unconventional way

She told me, “Even if your way of presenting myself might be less desirable at the beginning of my career, these disadvantages will quickly fade when you work closely with people. After I started working, I learned that no one was perfect no matter how they presented themselves because you need to be close all the time.”

When she said that, it reminded me to look further into the career game. I was troubled by the short-term disadvantages I saw in myself. At the end of the day, people want to work with those they feel comfortable and happy to be with, not with a hero character on the stage. My characteristics of caring about people, giving them space to talk, and carefully listening may seem like time wasted in short-term output, but they allow me to thrive as part of a team, not just for myself.

A career is a long-term game. My strategic brain taught me to frame things more broadly. I can still be the way I am now, but I need to stand firmly on what I’m good at and play it smart. I need to clearly identify my strengths, and the next step for me is to find an unconventional way to demonstrate them.

Thank you for listening to my messy mind. The takeaway for today is: Do not feel pressured by a stereotypical image of success. Do not get distracted by words and attitudes. Be yourself and find a way that works for you.

I will find my way. Be ready!

This is the 35th post from my 60-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.