I realized the hardest part of being jobless isn’t about how confident you are in finding a job. It’s about how comfortable you are with not fitting in. With having no set agenda. With being different, and staying that way.
The second time I became jobless, I thought I’d be better at it. I’d done this before, right? But no, it still took me over a month to detach from the need to belong. That pressure doesn’t just come from within; it comes from the world around me.
“You should go dating since you’re free now,” someone said, as if my time only had value when filled with distractions most busy people can’t afford.
“It’s okay you don’t want to do 9-9-6,” my founder friend told me, and I felt quietly judged, as if I wasn’t ambitious or disciplined enough.
“Freedom needs discipline,” another voice said, and I wondered if I was failing at both.
All those voices swirled together, echoing the one I feared most: “You don’t fit in.” And maybe, they were right.
Because I no longer did.
I became no one. Nothing. And somehow, my life began to bloom.
On my birthday, I hosted a small gathering. Just 6 people, the ones who truly brought out the best in me this year. For each of them, I handwrote a gratitude story, honoring the qualities I admire, the values I want to live by, the ways they’ve helped me grow.
It wasn’t a big, inclusive party. It was intimate. Intentional. Painfully exclusive. I knew some might notice they weren’t invited, but I had a vision: to bring together the people who shine, and let their lights reflect off one another.
And it was magical. There were no job titles, no status, no forced small talk. Just honesty, laughter, and warmth. We weren’t filling silence with gossip or work updates, we were showing up, fully, for ourselves and each other.
That’s where I want to be.
That’s the tribe I want to build.
Not a circle where we talk about who we should be,
but one where we’re accepted for who we are, and encouraged to grow into who we can become.
I’ve lost many friends along the way.
But I’ve never felt more free.
I hope one day, I will feel no fear of becoming me.