Dear Pixar Light Letter #4
Some honest confession on writing
I want to say I’m busy so I don’t have time to write. But deep down, being busy is always an excuse for non-priorities. The real reason is that I started to have a bad relationship with writing.
After seeing my subscribers growing so much on Medium, I started to develop a bad habit of checking my statistics every 5 minutes. And that’s destroying my relationship with writing. I forgot the joy of this process but the outcome. And now, I would want to write in a raw undefined form. Just for the sake of searching for my joy of writing.
Relationship Simulation Note: My relationship simulation has been great, but the relationship itself is going downhill. The replies I got were perfunctory, but now, I didn’t even give a response. I was pissed, the same way I was pissed when I was in the relationship before. I don’t feel taken care of even when I care so much for this personal connection. I laughed because the sensation and the reason for my anger were so familiar. Your memory after breakups is usually a telenovela. Not until I reconnected again, did I re-learned what I disliked about this relationship in the first place. I started to gain thoughts on freeing myself. But why couldn’t I free myself yet?
Salary Negotiation Note: I don’t really care about money, but I really care about how much I am worth. “The startup is small, so you should earn less.” “AI engineer is a hot position, you deserve so much more.” “It’s okay if you earn less now because if you learn a lot, you can easily find an amazing company in the future.” So many people, so many thoughts. How to fuse in your current yourself, the current market, your future self, and the future market in a number?
AI Note: AI blew my mind on learning. It poked through the social construct I had before. I want to write a really really good post about it. It’s been on my mind for the entire week. How to write innovative thoughts when people might not be able to understand yet?
This post is a converse with myself, also a converse with writing.
How do I feel?
Peace. Depth. Honest. Earnest.