dream, but don’t make dreams your master

fear, but don’t let it be your keeper

Begin again, Esther. Begin again. A blank canvas, wide and open. Begin again, and ask yourself: how might I redesign this life?

confidence starts from self care

This is what confidence is, ultimately: the capacity to project love, peace and curiosity at once, without effort. The capacity to be exactly where you are, without yanking yourself out of the moment, without trying to escape, without seeking anything from the person in front of you, without trying to convince them of something or contort yourself unnaturally to get them to see you in a certain way. — Confidence Comes from Taking Care of Yourself

I remember the first time I was fired. Fear rushed in, and all my strength went into learning how to live with uncertainty. I learned to be okay with completely lost. I learned to say yes to the unknown. I learned to attempt hard things, and laugh so they lose their power. I learned to walk in my own timezone, unhurried by the clocks of others.

But now, this second time, I feel a different fire. A pull to go further. To be bolder. To practice not only survival, but ease. To explore what it means to live with genuine ease. I don’t yet know what ease looks like. But I know this: the path is honesty in exploration.

dream, but don’t make dreams your master

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same; — If

Confidence is trusting yourself when others doubt you, while making room for their doubt. Openness is moving with direction when life is uncertain, while not being ruled by that direction. Yes, I will seek a new job to grow as an engineer. But I will not let the urgency, I must have it now, I must figure it out now, become my master.

Because when I clutch a notion too tightly, I chain my worth to it. I lose sight of the experience itself. Instead, I want to trust my instinct. Trust the universe. If rejection comes, let it be life nudging me away. If an opportunity comes, let it be an invitation, not a victory lap.

And when I see both success and failure as invitations, triumph and disaster become the same. Both dissolve in front of my honesty. Both bow to the same truth: I am still here, still walking.

fear, but don’t let it be your keeper

Fear still lingers in the corner, even when nothing in reality is truly threatening. It comes from imagination, from the mind’s ability to spin the worst-case scenario out of the unknown. Fear becomes a Siren, pulling me away from trusting life, clouding my ability to see clearly.

Yes, pls play OMG from koreans when u r reading this

And when there is no clear focus, social expectations grow louder. I notice how easily anxiety spreads: the quiet mantra people whisper to themselves—I am not enough. I am not making enough money. I am not making enough progress. I am not working hard enough. And so they run faster, make themselves busier, chase efficiency as if it were salvation.

But the real lesson isn’t in working harder. It isn’t in fitting in. It isn’t in squeezing more efficiency out of ourselves. The real lesson is elsewhere. It is slower. It is deeper.

“rather a willingness to resist such urges — to learn to stay with the anxiety of feeling overwhelmed, of not being on top of everything, without automatically responding by trying to fit more in.” — Four Thousand Weeks Time Management for Mortals

Sit, Esther. I invited you to sit. Sit with the discomfort of your limits, sit with the honest reality that you cannot achieve everything. I felt your anxiety when you couldn’t finish your project, and your inner self screamed, “they will think I’m dumb!” Yes, let’s sit with this discomfort. Let’s disappoint people and face your fear of being incapable. I know, I know, it hurts your ego. But this is where you train confidence. Confidence is the stillness of a wide ocean, unshaken by the waves of insecurity within you.

Sit, Esther. I invited you to sit. Sit with the discomfort of being lost, sit with the honest reality that you don’t know much about life. I felt your anxiety when you couldn’t figure things out, while others seemed to know exactly what they were doing. “They are all progressing except me!” your inner self cries. Let’s make peace with this fear and offer her a cup of tea. Trust that the real lesson isn’t about running faster, but about learning to hold uncertainty with steadiness. Patience is the giant mountain, unmoved amid chaos in the rush of the crowd.

I know I know. Fear will visit you sometimes the future, but I wanna let you know, and let your weirdo friends know, I have invited you to sit.

Don’t run. Sit. Esther, I invite you to sit. And when you are ready, begin again.