I gradually realized my midlife crisis wasn’t caused by any particular miserable event. It came from the quiet absence of desire to live. Until I met this girl who reminded me that possibility still exists.
Okay, my weird friends, don’t gossip. This isn’t a romantic story. It’s about self growth. She’s one of the most curious and adventurous people I’ve ever met, someone who reminded me of who I used to be.
First, let’s give her some credibility so you don’t think she’s just another wild soul. She secretly applied and got into university at 14, built a successful startup, and even impressed Sheryl Sandberg enough that she introduced her to everyone in the room.
But what struck me most wasn’t her accomplishments. It was her creativity and sense of play. One day she landed in my city, texted me out of nowhere, asking if I was home, and then showed up at my door. We spent the night laughing, exploring, and rediscovering what pleasure in life feels like.
Once we passed by a poster that looked like a party. Out of curiosity, I scanned the QR code, and then…
She was rebellious in all the best ways. She didn’t care about living by society’s rules. She just followed her own curiosity. Being around her reminded me how much I had shrunk myself to fit in. I started saying yes to things again. I went to a Substack CTO dialogue, got cast in a film, and even tried shibari for the first time.
Even I encouraged myself to be different, I still often lived under pressure to appear normal. You need a stable job. You should plan hangouts weeks ahead. In the Bay Area, you’re supposed to grind, build a startup, and make money. People said freedom comes from discipline. People said this is my best window to date because I don’t have a real job yet. People said they can’t hang out because adults need long notice for everything.
All those voices made me feel like my curiosity and excitement for life were dying.
Even now, I know I’m not really interested in having a job. I’m still scared to chase what I genuinely want because I don’t fully trust myself to make money doing it. I used to tell myself those dreams aren’t real. Fun and success don’t coexist. Rewards only come from suffering.
Then I met her. She showed me that someone like that can exist. The rebellious can survive. The playful can thrive. That realization lit something inside me again. The desire to explore. The desire to live.
It felt like meeting someone who was so admirable makes all my past unhappy obsessions fade away. I told a friend, I need to surround myself with people like her. I yearn that. That’s the world I want to live in. She said, instead of wanting that environment, how will you internalize it and bring it forward?
She was right. No matter where she goes, this girl carries her own unicorn energy. The real question is, can I do that too?
I still feel fear. I still feel loneliness and judgment. But she once told me something that stuck.
Don’t just look for your tribe. Create it.
I remember talking to you in-person and the vibes appeared very normal! which was a shock since I read the blogs first