Gotta die #1: Hard time job searching

USA version

I know I’m really resilient, and I encountered almost no fear and no anxiety toward my job search at this moment. 500 rejection emails? That’s fine. But someday, it can still feel really hard.

If you went through many rounds, found yourself almost achieving excellence in your interview, but in the end still got rejected, there is still a sense of frustration popping up. You know that there is no one to be blamed. It is so clear to this point that it’s not about your objective ability. You can even fluently speak of the techniques that your interviewers don’t even know. You feel that it is possible that you think faster than them.

Sometimes, it’s just because the company all of a sudden decided to stop hiring at this point because of their financial or whatever reason. Or you happen not to vibe perfectly with one of the interviewers. Or because the market really sucks. It’s really not about you, but you can still feel deflated the moment you get that rejection email. What deflated you was a shatter of dreams. A dream to rest, to see your family, and to travel, and to pay back the money you owe. You emailed to ask for cancellation and refund for trips you cannot afford.

You didn’t lose your confidence inside you. You knew you were good. In fact, terrific at this stage of your career. Almost half a year of job search stimulated tremendous growth in both mentality and skills that you haven’t seen in most people. You are not ready to give up. You know you just need one good chance. You just haven’t made it there yet. A bit more patience. You told yourself. Your friend comforted you, 「沒事啦！此處不留爺，自有留爺處。」“If this place cannot accommodate you, there is always another for you.” And cooked you a big plate of shrimp dim sum. He joked that we can try to open an IT cafe for your OPT. You laughed, feeling slightly better.

There is always some day like this. But, you know the next day, you will wake up. You will shrug off the memory that your dad called you to give up and come back home yesterday. You will open your loom to record an interview practice to hone it again. You will write down “tokenizer” and all the technical details in your notebook. You will publish another feature you built. You will start to work like another usual day.