Independent mind
Experiment daily 1
I wonder what would an almost indendent mind looks like. If I can feel so differently just through traveling and camping, when my original narrative doesn’t seem to matter I can finally see myself through. Can I replicate it in my daily life too?
To allow independence, I try to set up strong structures that can isolate me from distractions. Distraction here doesn’t mean negative and unproductive use of time. It belongs to a broader umbrella, referring to the entire influence of others who can affect me (Yes, friends and family included). I block up my LinkedIn, Medium, and emails, which only allow 7-8 pm for some necessary checks and posting. (If I type in the web URL, they all link to Paul Graham’s essay now.) Because I’ve noticed that the moments that my mind has gone into boredom, I search for the quick stimulus even though there might not be much there anyway. I start pausing most of the texting with people to prevent external influence as well.
Today when I experiment, I feel free. Free like the way that I was when I was in my childhood. The freedom is like the one you just read and investigate whatever you feel like doing in the moment without the uncomfortable urge that you need to feel somehow simulated. There is no point in checking any Medium responses if I already block myself out, so I feel free from the discomfort and stress of people’s opinions. No one affects me if I don’t participate in the first place.
The only moment I feel messy is the time interval use the apps. I speedily respond to some Messenger and Medium comments and make a post. It feels like a task rather than an excitement when I do it now. I hectically browse through all the notifications and all the comments. I feel nervous when I open the app because I open a big stream of information that is coming towards me. It feels like revealing some daily tests that I had during elementary school. Small but you still get a bit of an adrenaline rush, and you want to pass the moment as soon as you can. However, when I look at my work, I also feel detached from others and my own post, because I no longer constantly think about it. It reminded me of my TV show time from 5:30 - 6:00 pm during my childhood school years. Always feel so ready and on time for it, but the rest of the time, I feel completely free. Okay, I don’t even want to spend time writing now. I rather go read.
Re-experiencing childhood is a very intriguing lifestyle to explore, what will happen if I persist in this lifestyle? Maybe I want a real life to look like this.