Live With Fear Every Day
Colors of the day
Regardless of how many plans, growth, and reflection I’ve written, there are moments when I must strip away the layers of pretense and simply be honest sometimes. I see fear.
Within the confines of my hacker house, where possibilities and risks coexist, I have come to acknowledge the potential conflicts that dwell within us. I realized our house might not be going as smoothly as I thought. I’m annoyed by my housemate’s loud talking in our workspace. I’m also irritated by his intention to cancel and reschedule our house meeting at his own convenience. Furthermore, I’m still afraid that even if I try my hardest, I could end up with nothing at the end of these two months.
Especially in the morning, when the light crept through the window, casting a tender glow upon the room, yet within me, an insidious darkness stirred. Waking up from my subconscious dreams, they wove themselves tightly around the lingering memories of my ex. The yearning for familiar comfort is like an anti-depression pill I forget to take. To distract myself from fear, I usually mindlessly scroll through Instagram and obsessively check my messages. But I still see fear rubbing my cheek.
But as the day progress, a transformation takes hold. For instance, today I shared my fear of the morning with a close friend and got a hug. I discovered my housemate still helped the house, but just in a different way. I strategized interviews and discussed Edtech's future projects. I received delightful house slippers to protect my legs and enjoyed dartboard fun with guests. By day’s end, I’ve learned that life might not be perfect, but there is still an abundance of goodness it offers.
The thrill of learning, the inspiration sparked by a meaningful conversation, and the warm embrace of sunlight throughout the day all come together to make each moment not just endurable, but truly worth living. Though fleeting fear may linger in the quiet corners of my mind, they no longer hold power over me.
As night fell, the fear returned to haunt my thoughts. But I reminded myself that just like my day, life has its share of fear and uncertainty. Still, it holds an abundance of beautiful moments and opportunities to embrace. While fear persists, I make a conscious effort to hold on to hope.
This is the 16th post from my 30-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.