Offboarding drama after I got fired

Hardest day to be a nice person

How should I respond to my grand 4-hour offboarding?

A storm of emotions raged within me. Should I unleash my anger, knowing there was little left to lose? The memories of our countless bitter interactions (“You break out product intentionally to show off to your team?”) projected more painful anticipation. 

Overwhelmed, I sought solace from my father. I dialed his number, hoping for words of comfort and guidance. However, his response was far from what I'd expected. "Perhaps the founder retracted the offer because you aimed too high in your negotiations," he said.

"No, Dad," I defended, frustration evident in my voice. "The amount I asked for is not even high for San Francisco.

His next words cut deep, "Without testing the waters, how can you truly gauge your worth in the market?"

I blew up. Now, even my dad tries to invalidate me too? I turned off my call and vented to my roommate about how unreasonable my dad was. But in the face of my anger, my roommate only replied “Oh” and turned back to whatever she was doing (Disclaimer: She is amazing but she just likes to respond “Oh” to everything). But at that moment, it was the last straw. I exploded and immediately rushed out of the door.

I ran out into the dangerous San Francisco at midnight because I didn’t want to take my anger out on my roommate. As you know, I’m deeply concerned about her marriage like a gossipy auntie so cannot risk punching her beautiful face.

Instead, I called several friends for emotional support on a sketchy street next to my house. My thoughts raced. Can I be passive-aggressive because I am so entitled to do so tomorrow? Can I actually be aggressive because I’m treated so shittily?

I decided to reach out to three of the most emotionally intelligent people that I knew: My YouTuber friend, my ex, and my gay designer friend. My gay designer gay friend is in a bad timezone, so I go with…of course my YouTuber friend.

“What should I do tomorrow? I’m entitled to yell, but I also don’t want to do things I will regret as a person.”

She said,

"If you allow your emotions to dictate your actions tomorrow, you'll only confirm his assumptions about you. Stay professional. Do whatever you need. Not aggressively but also not apologetically. Often, our anger stems from feeling unseen or unvalued. Your founder's accusation, amplified by your dad and roommate's insensitivity, has left you feeling invalidated. You need to see it yourself. If you can, meditate for an hour. Listen to your anger, and be the one who validates yourself.”

Taking her advice to heart, I meditated the moment I woke up the next day. I meditated and told myself, “You are grounded. You are powerful.” before going to work the next morning.

Weirdo friends, no joking, the offboarding felt truly shit. It felt like someone really tried to put their hands in your brain to access every ounce of knowledge in you. Even my most basic code was dissected and analyzed. I was asked why my data is chunked in 1000 tokens but not others. Even my pdf-to-text conversion function is run and even changed to different pages to check if it is correct. All his comments irritated me.

But with the help of the senior engineer, I navigated the storm. No yelling, no passive-aggressive comments, no outbursts of anger. The senior engineer said given the circumstances, I’ve already done a good job. No offboarding drama.

Right after my offboarding, a friend cooked me soup and the other treated me a fancy spa. I felt loved and reborn again. Gosh, this might be the hardest day to be a nice person in my life. I patted on myself. Good job, Esther. I am proud of how you responded to this. I love you.

Backlogs: Funny Comments from friends

Me: “The four-hour offboarding tomorrow must be really painful.”

J: “How about you show them you can actually break their product in 4 hours.”

Me: “They even asked me how to convert pdf to text.”

J: “Type along as you read through the pdf.”

Gratitude

Many friends and weirdo friends I didn’t know sent me lots of encouragement on substack, medium, and messengers. John cheered me up. Shani cooked me soup. Vanessa took me to the spa. Diana and Phuong constantly checked on me. Jade gave me advice. Brandon helped me professionally. Shpend helped with my visa. I’m supported emotionally, rationally, and professionally. I don’t think I can ask for more in this lifetime :)