Today, I went to a job fair with my housemate, and I learned that I was not good at pitching myself professionally.
My housemate pitched himself so confidently as if he was the best fit in the world, while also showing off some tech stacks he knew and complimenting people who used the same stack. To be honest, he spoke in a way that was even more intelligent and confident than the hiring managers. I found it more interesting to listen to him than to the startup ideas. For instance, he said, “I’ve been working on web3 for two years now.” Even though I have worked as a data scientist every summer since my first year, I would hesitate to say “I have worked for X years” because they were just internships. However, he was already so confident to say it even though what he did were just some school projects.
He also showed off that we work on building projects together using framework X, but I couldn’t help but wonder: “Did we actually do that…” While the overarching ideas are not incorrect, he presented himself in such a shiny light that I would feel dishonest repeating his words to others.
The most incredible pitch he made today was in front of a climate tech company. Before the event, he told me that he had been thinking about this work philosophy for two years (apparently I just got to know it today after two years of being friends with him…). He skillfully combined it with the climate tech company and branded himself as being aligned with the mission of the company and crazily competent in the job. Knowing him well, I almost burst out laughing in front of the climate founder because, in my mind,
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to trash my housemate. I was amazed, though uncomfortably. I think this is actually what you need in a professional setting: fake it until you make it. He is indeed very competent, but he thinks even higher of himself.
This is the opposite of me, because I usually speak in a very humble tone. For instance, when we were building a project, he would say, “There are so many things you don’t know” for the things I didn’t know. But I would say, “Oh… this is not difficult, you just do this and this” for the things he didn’t know. And he would look at it and comment, “This is very simple.” He would also often told me what he was doing was technically challenging, and saying why other people’s work were ways to finish.
I started to wonder if my lack of confidence and ambition in selling myself because I’m a woman. Even if I were him at the job fair, I don’t think I could boast about myself in the same way. What if the person I’m talking to knows more than me, and I end up looking showing off in front of experts? This is the moment I realized that this might be why men progress so much faster in their careers than women. They shamelessly brag about themselves and their achievements, even for things they haven’t achieved yet. They speak as if they have already accomplished those things because they genuinely believe they will. They aren’t necessarily arrogant, but confidently painting their future potentials. But I want to hide away from it.
Talking like an alpha male in work is a very difficult lesson that I might need to start learning. I will aim for a beta male for now.
This is the 33rd post from my 60-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.