Relationship perspective
You are the God of your breakup
When a relationship ends, you become the God of the relationship. You are the God, whether you decide to break up or are broken up with. I know you want to tell me that you don’t feel like a God but rather an emotional slave to heartbreak. But when I say God, I mean the God that puts that past relationship story to trial. You get to rewrite your entire story under your own control with a better perspective.
You might argue, “No! This isn’t true! This is still my brain now!”
However, it all comes down to time giving you a better perspective. People often say that time heals, perhaps because we start forgetting things. But I would argue that what time provides is perspective gained from a distance.
Let me show you an example.
When you have just broken up, your eyes will only be able to focus on the bad parts of the relationship. Your brain will scream, “My ex treated me badly! They were horrible!” Most of the pain you feel is because of your love and grief.
However, as time goes on, you start to gather your entire experience together and see it as a whole, rather than separate pieces. Instead of feeling negative emotions, you gain the ability to recognize the good things your ex did well or the good they brought into your life. Your inner God starts speaking. For instance, I used to think I would hate all of my exes with all my heart, but I started to see things differently after my second relationship.
Well… it’s also possible for the opposite to happen. After a terrible relationship like my first one, I was consumed by grief despite knowing it was bad. However, as time passed, my inner God reflected on the entire experience and said, “Wow. Everything was bad from the beginning. I guess you can stop being sad and no longer allow this person to be part of your story.” I never bothered to treat my ex well because it was simply unnecessary. As long as we don’t interfere in each other’s lives, I think that’s kind enough.
What is the best way to feel about your ex? Some people say forgiveness is the best approach. Nowadays, I believe that forgiveness is a good goal to strive for, but it may not be realistic in all cases. Personally, I trust my inner God more. When my inner God provides clarity, it makes the choice for me. There is no need to force ourselves to always hate, be friends, or forgive our ex-partners, even though we learn and grow from every relationship. Whether it’s hatred or gratitude, I trust the version of the story that my inner God decides. I respect it more than my emotional states of missing them, wanting to get back together, feeling angry, experiencing injustice, holding resentment, or even my feelings of love during the breakup process.
To this day, my inner self continues to review my second relationship, with both negative and positive memories swirling around in my head. I wonder what God would judge, but my hunch tells me that it was likely a net positive experience.