Survival Instinct
This is the first post from my 30-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the…
This is the first post from my 30-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.
Heartbreak, joblessness, and uncertainty about my future made me realize that I had nothing to lose and a strong instinct to survive. My life was a blank page once again, and it was sink or swim time. Writing became my first survival instinct, an urge to create, a proof of progress, and an anchor in my daily life. I was eager to paint something, anything, on this blank canvas of life.
My mind shifted to another phase space in my job search as well. I had been ready to leave the US due to my job search fatigue and the unfriendly immigration regulations. I wanted to find peace by doing yoga teacher training in the Himalayas and moving to the country where my partner was. But after the breakup, I suddenly just wanted to work crazily to get the sadness out of my chest. I felt like building up projects, networking, and pursuing job search again regardless of the outcome, even if I might eventually fail.
My relationship with job search had been through several phases. Phase 1 was feeling extra confident due to my Meta experience. Phase 2 was feeling low and tired because of huge rejections and difficulties. Phase 3 oscillated between job search fatigue and desperation. Phase 4 was feeling okay with not having a job and considering other life options, like going to Europe. And now, I had entered Phase 5, realizing my life was really a big mess and wanting to figure something out. I was happy to do anything that could ground me at this moment, talk to millions of people about life crises and the future, learn new technical skills, and try to challenge the job search bottleneck.
If you have read “Prospect Theory” by Kahneman, you may understand why I am currently in a phase of taking big risks and trying out new things. According to prospect theory, when someone suffers a big loss, additional losses cannot hurt them as much, so they may seek out more risks, and that’s me now.
That’s why I’ve decided to start this 30-day blog writing challenge. My brain has shut down and I’ve stopped caring about most things in my life, including my blog’s branding, the quality of my writing, and the opinions of my audience.
Now, I’m just following my instincts and creating, creating, creating. I’m writing to express myself, starting projects to reclaim my joy for learning, and forging a path for my future. I want to keep trying until I can’t anymore or until I see a glimmer of hope in my life. I still don’t know how long this instinct will last, or if I’ll be able to stay in the US, but at the end of it all, I want to be able to tell myself, at least, you have tried your best.