The Fear of Fame
I'm so afraid of being famous
Many people dream of being famous, but after befriending some semi-celebrities, I realized the burden they carry is scary af.
My YouTuber celebrity friends receive an overwhelming amount of hate; one of them cried every day during COVID because of the hateful comments she received for traveling. People were angry that she was still traveling while everyone else was supposed to stay at home, and the comments were horrible. Not only did haters call her a "whore," but someone even made a "hate" video, shaming her on YouTube. Can you imagine? Sharing your face and exposing many parts of your life on YouTube is already scary, and now people are directly attacking you.
Another friend who is a famous online writer recently encountered some hateful criticism. He wrote content stating that nowadays, content is very accessible, so people can learn easily by copying. People called him privileged and were angry at his simplification of complex issues but his main point is just encouraging people to learn. Even though he wrote an apology post, people still criticized him, saying "Can you be more sincere and tell us why you are sorry?" Now, he is extremely stressed.
Both of them are just trying hard to make a positive impact on the world by delivering thoughts or sharing their experience, but they receive so much negativity in return.
I think that's why people only like to post technical posts because there is nothing for people to judge, and no one is interested in judging them. Unless you can write like Paul Graham, with highly logical words, you are vulnerable to judgment.
To be honest, even as a nobody, posting on my blog is scary for me. It becomes even scarier when I realize one of my Mandarin posts on Medium gained 1K claps and was featured on Medium Weekly Digest. I think that’s why I avoid writing in Mandarin. I was happy about the recognition but upset about the growth of my people-pleasing mindset and fear of judgment. I start to wonder, how can I write another popular post if that's what people want to read? What if people invalidate my thoughts and experience? I have so many unconventional thoughts and critiques of the existing system. How can I allow this part of me to exist in public? If I'm already so afraid, how can I even make a positive impact on the world?
All these questions shower me with confusion. I started to write unhappily and lost my originality. This is why I decide to write “Why don’t subscribe” on my About page.
I also make several product decisions for my blog:
My blog is not intended for me to become famous. Instead, it should be a safe playground for genuinely curious minds. I don't think I will be too famous, because weirdos are hard to find anyway.
I'm not here to build an audience (teach people). Instead, my goal is to create a community (grow together).
I'm not actively seeking audience growth until the end of this year.
If I'm not having fun or coming up with funny ideas, then my blog may not be going in the right direction. I don't want to feel suppressed or scared.
All in all, I'm not here to be famous. I'm here to create a fun, funny, and curious safe space for myself and you. That's why I call you my imaginary weirdo friends. I want to share all my crazy thoughts, feelings, and ideas with you. Whenever you think of a weird, funny, or crazy idea, I want you to think of me and feel comfortable sharing it. Life is already confusing enough, so let's not make it any harder than it needs to be.
I wish when all the haters come to my blog, the words and drawings disappear. To all my weirdo friends who subscribe and support me, I want to thank you for listening and being there for me today.