The Making of a Manager

Qualities for great managers

Even though there is chaos and confusion in a startup, I need to tell you that I am very impressed by my founder, aka my CTO and manager. From him, I learned that the making of a great manager isn't only about experience, but also about ego.

I fucked up.

We had multiple code reviews that week, and he consistently wanted me to change my codes, even asking me to change the overall architecture on Friday afternoon. I was worried that I was far behind my weekly goal. However, during our weekly meeting, he surprised me by saying He told me to do whatever I wanted.

“I completely fucked up. I’m not a good manager. I was micro-managing you. You should do whatever you want."

I was completely shocked. I mean, I get that he might have a new management idea now, but I have NEVER met a manager who acknowledges their failure so openly. They at most only tell me that we can change this and that for our collaboration. And I get it, people all have egos. It's quite embarrassing to say you are wrong to a little kid. Lots of times, I couldn't even talk about it with my close friends or family. And damn, he can do that to a little intern in the company?

I can change.

"I think we are moving quite slowly, but I'm not sure why," I said honestly.

Rather than saying the problem was with me (I worked slow, I’m experienced, I’m stupid.), he replied,

"Hmm... then it might be that we haven't utilized your talent to the fullest. I will think about this over the weekend."

Instead of blaming me, he reflected on himself and considered what he could change. I don't think this is common in management in my experience. Since managers typically have more power in the relationship, they often want me to change. But what he was saying was that he could change. Hmm..

I’m frustrated.

I noticed that a fundamental skill of a good manager is expressing emotions appropriately, but not too much. For instance, when I didn't achieve my goal, he would tell me he was frustrated. I could sense some emotions, but not be overwhelmed with negativity.

I have met managers who would chase my ass, saying "this is HORRIBLE."

I have met managers who once told me, "You are dismissive."

Even though I understand that managers are not Gods and people can accidentally say things when they get genuinely frustrated, an overly emotional tone and personal attacks are poor practices. If the other side doesn't take it well or doesn't let it go, it could harm the relationship in the long run.

Closing thoughts

Human relationships can never be always good. My managers and I have many disagreements and conflicts, and I believed we would have more. However, when my manager was able to say, "I wasn’t a good manager," I already knew he had the ingredients to be a great leader.

Because of his honesty, high self-introspection, and egolessness, I feel very comfortable expressing problems that are not only about the tasks. I told him I did not understand the concept of "time" in a startup. What does it mean to be fast and slow if we want to move as quickly as possible anyway?I felt comfortable telling him I am still quite confused about working here now, when to break, and where to control quality.

I think all these honest discussions and open questions represent many underlying problems in the day-to-day tasks, such as being productive enough (the sense of time in a startup) or taking enough ownership (what is the right thing to work on) in work. Sometimes he told me his thoughts, sometimes he told me he did not know enough to judge, but he gave me space to figure things out.

From him, I learned that a great manager is not about solving all the task problems. It is about managing a career for a curious human being while not being stifled by their own ego.

Wow. That’s hard.

Note: I wanted to share this post with my founder friend

Do Fuong Newsletter

I think she would have lots of thoughts about it.