Trust yourself more

How to love the way I learn

In God, please ground me from productivity, I told you that I’m going to start doing my own projects to ground myself so I can build my own project muscle from 0 to 1.

However, I’m still so afraid. I’m not sure if I can actually do it myself. I don’t know if I am working fast enough. Many doubts are buzzing around my ears when I’m working on my waitbutwhy project.

Manifestation

I decided to practice manifestation to boost my confidence. Almost every day, I tell myself, “You are an AI engineer, you can do it, you can unblock yourself.” (Btw, I also experiment with other manifestations, such as “You are sexy” and “You are a funny writer about learning.”) I even make sticky notes and paste them on my window. (Yes, “I am sexy” is on my window.)

Gradually, I’m noticing a difference in myself. When I see my housemate working intensely, I no longer feel inadequate. I remind myself that I am also an engineer. During our weekly house reflection yesterday, I realized that I had made some progress! I can ask AI to write something that is similar to Wait But Why. I’ve read extensively about machine learning, deployment, and web development. I still don’t know how to accomplish it, but I have an idea of where to start.

This morning, while reading The Pragmatic Programmer, I realized that I can prototype not just my code output, but also my architecture. I’m excited to test this out and grateful for the realization, as it helps me ground myself. Now, I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time reading other books. They still contribute to my growth, in an indirect way.

Test the hypothesis myself

Yesterday, my housemate explained why he thinks JavaScript is better than Python. He argued that JavaScript can do things that Python cannot, such as multi-threading, async programming, and dynamic web scraping.

Initially, I was feeling behind, but this morning I decided to test if what he said was true. I realized it was not. There are libraries available for multi-threading, dynamic web scraping, and more. In my mind, I thought, “Bitch, you are lying to me.” (Let’s keep this between us 😉)

However, I learned that even though I might know far less about software, it’s still worth checking out claims made by experienced people. They might be experts in one area but not in another. Don’t be afraid to go back to first principles.

Even though I may not work intensively, I work smartly by taking the time to learn mental models and best practices that may seem useless at first. While I may not produce a lot, I know how to direct myself to make learning enjoyable, align with my learning goals, and maximize feasibility. Although I cannot work 24/7, I take the time to appreciate other aspects of my life, which leaves me feeling energized rather than stressed upon returning to work.

Today, I want to celebrate that my incremental growth has helped me achieve my 30-day writing challenge (which I realized was yesterday…).

All I have learned is that I need to trust myself and the way I grow, so I can be in love with the way I learn.

This is the 31st post from my 60-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.

Sorry, I make it a 60-day writing challenge because I have at least one loyal reader who wants to read it still.