What does it mean to be resilient?
Finish Level 1
Though the intention from the other side is kind, I was invited to a “heartbreak ceremony.” The first moment I got the invitation, I was ready to die like usual and go through my grief cycle, crying, pain, sadness, and gradual recovery.
But after 10 minutes, I suddenly stopped crying with a surge of strong curiosity in me…
wtf? wtf? wtf? Why am I curious? What am I curious about? Shouldn’t I be crying? I found it ridiculous and I laughed.
Usually after these kinds of events, my dream will be haunted, I would be in great pain and unable to sleep. But yesterday night, I was mostly fine. The thoughts were just weird. Even the rejection reasons in the dream are: “Because our faces don’t match!” I woke up not in sweat, but in astonishment.
I’m happy that I wasn’t traumatized, but I started to get worried about my abnormal behavior. I know my brain is weird, but I need to at least make sure I’m still a human. What if I’m crazy because I meditate too much? Or what if I’m not a human anymore? If I’m not a human, how can I call myself “Esther is a confused human being?” During my yoga class this morning, I encouraged myself to at least feel a bit sad, which I can still sense it inwards. Thanks God! Hallelujah!
I started to realize I might have almost done with my course of resilience through practicing open-mindedness, detachment, and presence. As similar pain keeps challenging me, I grew a cushion to protect myself!
Suffering comes from the thought of coercion. The world and others are taking away what you want dearly. However, do they?
My brain has been rewired nowadays.
“Okay, this moment is quite painful. But we never know about the next moment. We really don’t.”
“Well, sure. You can take that away from me. But you cannot take away the love and the choice inside me. I still own my choice.”
“Yes, I’m so sad, but it is just another story in my life. I will let the story go.”
I no longer sink into the stories as I recognize they are just stories. I was no longer killed by the story as I recognize the uncertainty in life can change many more. I can feel that my mind is bright because it’s finally open. Open to the uncertainties and possibilities.
“Focus on your breath,” the yoga teacher said.
The breath, wtf wtf wtf, it’s so fresh! But I thought I was sick and sad. I guess today is the day to celebrate a milestone of a life curriculum. This year, I see my body grow abs, and today, I see the abs in my mind, too. I think I am starting to get it! Will I grow wisdom teeth today?
Thank you, Universe, I think I’m done with your Level 1. I’m ready to take on the next challenges. Well..actually, how about you let me rest for the next 5 min first, haha.
(The only problem is that I’m still quite worried if I’m still human)