What's the end of love?
What if I cannot find an end?
As I witness that my love doesn’t end with the relationship, but rather steady cosmic radiation, I started to notice that I cannot differentiate the love for others and the love for myself.
Whenever I was anxious, I always heard a voice, “It’s okay. You are going to have a bit more patience. You are going to be okay.” It was what they used to say to me, but nowadays, I couldn’t differentiate if that was their voice echoing from the past, or a new voice inside me. Voice should be a very differentiable feature from person to person, but everything all started to mix and integrate that it is no longer distinguishable. But no matter where it comes from, it calms me down, grounding me in who I am.
A lot of moments, when I realized the love that I want to give, they are given back to me. Whenever I felt scared waking up in the night, if I channel that love, they filled in my chest, warm and fuzzy, and I felt safe like a happy baby falling asleep. Writing it out sounds unbelievable. When I scent it in the night, it is also unexplainable.
When the love is peeled off from desire, it’s no longer an aching pain, but a power flows inside me. I can choose to wake it up whenever I want to, but it can also fill me up without disturbing like a hurricane it once chained up with desire . It's just love, nothing more, nothing less. It is a force that resides inside me. A force that doesn’t die when others leave my life. Regardless of the distance of space, the length of the time, the future of our experience, the love never changes. Steady and assuring, flowing freely in my everyday life.
It reminded me of someone’s response to my old post, "Let's die earlier," they went:
What do you mean by the word "love"? That aside and almost regardless of the definition having lost through her passing the "love" of my life, this life, over 15 years ago. She died but "love" itself did not. She loved me unconditionally... it continues to manifest itself in everything I say/do. I reciprocated love because how could I not? As the love partner that lived on I cannot describe or experience the state as "broken hearted". Rather, "wholehearted" as love continues.
I found it transcending and beautiful. When people thought love died when the experience passed, that’s not so true. I found the norm of “Oh, you should love when the relationship ends” questionable. For someone you love the most in your life, how do you manage to suddenly say, "Oh, I don’t love this person anymore" because of some external incident?
You may say, “I let it go!” But letting go of the pain and the past, is not the same as letting go of the love we own. The past is already in the past, and the future will be in the past soon. Does anything stay? I find love stays. I find it is always inside me, only depending on my ability to be in touch, and the will to harness the power. Love for others, love you feel from others, love for myself, in the end are all some kind of mashed potatoes that is inside me. I digest, I flourish, I grow with it no matter how the future holds.
Lovely message. Reminded me of this line from a different article I read “any love I made you feel is yours to keep”