I am writing this writing manifesto because, as my Medium reached 2K readers, it freaked me out a bit. It feels like someone is staring at me when I write now. I write this as a memo to remind myself why I write, who I am, and who I am not.
Milestones of my writing
I started actively writing in May 2023 with around 200 readers. I never expected anyone would read it because I don’t really promote it. I did it to try out how 30-day writing challenges would feel (Overcome the Resistance to Write).
The first surge of growth on Medium I experienced was with my post on the education system (Minerva 畢業). Back then, only Taiwanese people were reading it because I wrote to challenge my Taiwanese education and compare it with my education at Minerva University. Some people told me my writings were in Taiwanese newsletters, and some news outlets contacted me to share my posts.
The second surge of growth on Medium is related to career and success. I was fired from my job, and I wrote about my experience. Feeling lost, I tried to clarify my relationship with traditional social success (Be Successful vs Be Content) and used writing as a medium to think aloud. I didn't expect that people would resonate with my confusion and my search for questioning these big topics.
Why I write
The biggest reason I write is because of the joy of the writing process. I LOVE the feeling of deep engagement when I write. I love drawing because I want to laugh out loud on the street when funny images come to my mind. This joy can be broken down into several parts.
Self-building: I use writing to rethink who I want to be and all my values and thoughts. I have lots of contrarian ideas that I need to learn how to lay out in a clear and succinct way. I write to debate with myself and to debate with society. Writing is a process of building me, and publishing is a realization of it.
Feel fun and funny: I love my jokes and drawing. Even when no one reads it, I can read it 5 times and laugh every time with my own jokes and drawings. This almost ridiculous part really represents who I am as a happy and out-of-the-box personality.
Growth documentation: I love to write what I learn and what experiments I'm running in my life. The learning can range from programming, and relationships, to meta-values, like love and life pursuit, because learning is what I care about most in my life.
Emotional release: When I'm stressed and sad, I reorganize myself and release my feelings with writing. When I write it out, my feelings are no longer tangled and spinning in my mind as an infinite loop. Writing is a shelter to hold it and continue with my life.
What I try to create
We are all confused and stupid!
Close your eyes and ask your brain, “Hey, brain. Have I ever had thoughts that other people will not think of, might not agree with, or just find funny?”
If your answer is yes, welcome to my blog. We are each other’s imaginary weirdo friends who like to learn to think of funny stuff and have fun together. When you read my blog, my happiness increases because I feel I have one more imaginary weirdo friend on earth.
We always need to pretend we are competent and smart in front of others. But we are just people. No matter how old and how good our professions are, we can feel equally lost, dumb, curious, and negative.
I am patient with myself and recognize that we are all on the way to learning and searching. I write to create this safety for myself and for people who read.
Like Tim Urban's website, I want to cultivate a space where we can feel we don't know anything. And ask all the things that we are supposed to do and the people who we are supposed to be: wait, but why?
What my writing is not for
I am not the source of truth: I don’t call people who read my posts, my followers. Followers imply that I hold the source of truth and I’m better so they follow me, whereas I don't think I know much about life. I don’t want and don't plan to carry that authoritative burden. I call people my weirdo friends because my thoughts are usually unconventional, and I'm just excited to share my ideas, thoughts, and experiences as if I were sharing with a friend.
I don’t write for non-weirdo friends: I'm a person who seldom thinks inside the box. Hence, my writing can come across as disrespectful or offensive to people who cannot accept out-of-the-box ideas. I respect different thoughts and values, but I still stand my ground for who I am and the future I want to build.
I don’t actively seek growth: I want to clarify my relationship with popularity. I’m happy to see that there is significant user growth on my Medium. However, optimizing that growth is not my main purpose for writing. I felt very overwhelmed recently when I noticed my posts were picked up by the algorithm on Medium. I felt scared that I would no longer have the independence to think, write freely, and be myself. And that's not why I’m writing.
Sometimes, my ideas are new and vulnerable. I can easily be swayed and lose my confidence when others’ comments from different perspectives. To stay grounded, I allow myself not to engage or even check comments. I don’t need to send my writings to people who subscribe too.
Lastly, I value authenticity. I love myself and my writing so much because I feel original and free when I write. If I feel the need to satisfy someone, I don’t even bother to write anymore. I understand that in order to build the future I want to see, having a big support group or network is helpful. But I’m not ready now to cultivate that network yet. I want to give myself enough time and space to solidify and experiment before I feel ready.
What relationship do I want to have with my weirdo friends
I don’t want to have teacher/student relationships like most bloggers do. I think it kills my freedom to be wrong and hinders my freedom to try and experiment with my weirdo friends. I want to be chill, fun, inquisitive, and feel lost and dumb together!
Anyway, I want to thank a lot of you for your emotional support! Some of you make me feel like I'm being hugged. And I love all these funny comments that people make!
I have set a strong intention not to care about audiences in 2023. I've decided to carry it through the first quarters of 2024 and might extend it further. Because I love myself, I love my writing, I love my thoughts, even though they often trouble me. I don’t want to lose my joy of writing and the originality of my ideas, even if you give me 100K readers or $100K. I’m not here to please, but here to be honest and earnest.
Future Esther, I know you might be reading this now. You're welcome :)