Please teach me how to make friends

who aren't asians

After graduation, almost all the friends I made are Asians. And I hated that.

As an Asian myself, there’s an undeniable comfort in meeting someone who shares the same background. I can make jokes about stereotypes, bond over familiar foods, or use shared festivals as an easy reason to meet up.

In tech, I still meet people from many cultures, but many feel “more American” than from their original culture. They don’t embody it.

Recently, I went to a party hosted by a Black friend and met a lot of Black people. I could immediately tell who were Black Americans and who were immigrants. The etiquette, motivations, and life goals felt very different.

One person said, “I’m from Daly City. I studied law to make more money.” I know the Bay Area is expensive, but I didn’t know what else to ask.
But when another said, “I’m from Burkina Faso,” I lit up, Taiwan’s best friend! We dove into geopolitics and how their media portrays Taiwan.

Of course, anyone well-educated can talk about their culture, but actually embodying it feels different. It gives me energy.

At another event, I met a hot Brazilian who instantly reminded me of my time in Argentina. We had tons of latinos who made a million dollar business in my office which doesn’t intrigue me. Many are “Latino-looking white people” with American accents and Stanford degrees, smart but not fun for me.

The next day I went to a Brazilian picnic. I didn’t understand a single word. They could’ve been saying, “This Asian girl is so dumb!” but just watching them was beautiful. Loud, lively, full of gestures, enjoying life. It felt like being dropped into a living zoo of their culture.

Now I’ve set myself a mission for making friends:

• white American women (I already have guy friends).

• Black American (history and culture)

• Latinos (culture)

But I’ve been trying for months without much success, blocked by cultural barriers and my own discomfort.

How do I do this better? Please give me ideas!